rest.

no one is harshly judging me but me.

no one is setting extreme standards for me but me.

is my life nothing more than a productivity contest and a means to prove myself? 

I am so, so tired, yet I feel guilty for resting.

mumbling to myself, “you gotta stop being lazy” as if I’m not in this body with me…aching and feeling how exhausted I am.

I don’t know how to silence the voice that tells me I should be doing more.

I am so damn afraid of not amounting to something, that I unintentionally create conditions for myself that keep me paralyzed.

I want to be somebody so bad.

and I’m afraid that abundance will pass me by if I don’t overwork or overthink.

I’m afraid that if I lay down my life will be lukewarm.

I don’t trust myself to rest.

I’m afraid that goodness requires a grind that I don’t have the energy for.

 I want my lineage to know legacy, but I am so tired.

if I yawn too many times will God think I’m ungrateful? 

or playing around with my purpose? 

I wanna be somebody so bad

but I only have the energy to get back in bed