willow trees

I no longer want to live life passively,

peaking out the window

waiting until the coast is seemingly clear

I no longer want to tiptoe or walk on eggshells

afraid that I will throw this false illusion of peace & safety off balance

I no longer want to tame my feelings & desires

forcing them to keep quiet & walk in a single-file line when deep down they want to riot & make a racket

I no longer want to run from rebirth

& hoard identities that no longer resonate or serve me

I no longer want to live in limbo

a lukewarm oasis due to this crippling fear of wrongness and not-enough-ness

am I making the "right" decisions?

should I be doing "more?"

will this make me happy?

am I fulfilling my potential?

I no longer want to let not having it all figured out stop me

from saying yes

from having fun

from enjoying myself

from having what I deserve

from pursuing what I truly want

from loving & being loved

from trial

& error (without the shame and guilt)

I am pulling myself up from a life that told me no too many times

the rejection was just a reflection of my inability to see myself clearly

I no longer want to show up as anything less than me

that way, I'm not planting seeds of misalignment & wondering why there are no willow trees