an ode to twenty-twenty-three.
they say when you turn twenty-five your brain does a special ✨thing.✨ something switches and you start looking at the world around you differently. I’ve always been told that I’m mature for my age, but something about 2023 required me to really GROW UP. it’s as if this year said, “you have to rise above the thoughts and beliefs that got you to this point. they will no longer suffice.” I think what I’m trying to say is that this year stretched me. it pushed me past my self-perceived limits. it made me confront and clear out the parts of myself and my life that were no longer serving me. and unlike years in the past, there was no running — 2023 sat me in my place. I had no choice but to feel/face the discomfort without trying to escape. I had to learn how to grow through 💩 without playing dead and hoping life would just leave me alone lol. I learned a lot about fortitude and putting up a fight. I had to learn that life won’t go easy on me just because I’m me, and that’s okay.
all the things I felt I knew intellectually or in theory, this year required me to learn through direct experience. it’s one thing to know something mentally, but the real knowing comes with experiencing it in actuality…experiencing it in the physical. I learned the art of taking my time this year. I think I finally have a grasp on what it means to be present and what presence feels like. I had to strengthen my faith this year. cause there was no way I would’ve made it through this year off of pure vibes and trying to take matters into my own hands. I learned how to create space for me to feel my feelings without rushing myself through them or trying to intellectualize them away. I reconnected with my joy this year — in the little things and in the little moments. I prioritized fun even if it meant doing things solo. I allowed myself to rest without guilt. I learned how to extend myself grace and self-compassion. I learned the importance of showing up even when it felt like nothing was happening (and especially when it felt like nothing was happening). for a while, it felt like life was happening to me, and I had to get off the sidelines of my life. I had to remind myself of the power of yes and the power of no — only extending a yes to the things that truly lit me up, piqued my interest or curiosity, and didn’t make me feel like I was settling. I learned how to ask for and vocalize what I really want. I’ve also learned how to stop wavering and going back and forth on the things I desire. I had to learn how to wait this year. wait with patience, wait with expectancy, wait when it felt like I ran out of the ability to wait. the word steadfast started to feel like a major theme. I made peace with my womanhood and femininity this year in ways that I would’ve never imagined. I stopped resisting the things I couldn’t control. I refined my style this year in a way that feels more grown and conducive to my growth (I still had clothes from high school in my closet and I’m just not that girl anymore!)
2023 humbled me and hyped me up at the same time. I’ve found myself thinking, “this can’t be my life” in both the best way and the worst way. 2023 was challenging, but it was needed. & I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.
